Why Your Teenagers Want You To Set Boundaries For Them

By T.J. Mitchell

Media Monster

"Will you please add some more rules to my life?" That's one question most parents will never hear from their teenagers. Although they may not say it, teenagers really do want to know what's expected of them and what the consequences will be if those boundaries are crossed. When parents take the time to discuss the boundaries and consequences in their teenager's life, that teenager will be less likely to rebel. So why do your teenagers want you to set boundaries to begin with? Here are five reasons.

1. Boundaries provide a sense of comfort. There is a sense of comfort and peace when a teenager clearly knows what's expected of them. They don't have to worry about what you think is good behavior or bad behavior, and they don't have to fear that the rules will be constantly changed.

2. Boundaries provide a sense of security. Teenagers want and need help in navigating life. They want to know exactly what is right and what is wrong. They will probably test the limits occasionaly, but knowing that the rules and consequences never change gives them a sense of security that will allow them to thrive.

3. Boundaries mark out the "playing field" for freedom. What would happen if two football teams tried to play a football game where there were no clear boundaries set on the playing field? It would be complete chaos. No one would know who was out of bounds and who was in bounds. Arguments and confusion would no doubt abound. A marked field is fundamental when playing football just as clear boundaries are fundamental in parenting. Your teenager wants you to set boundaries so that they know their "playing field" - where they are free to roam in bounds. Creating boundaries is the only way a teenager can experience and learn to handle freedom in a safe atmosphere.

4. Most teenagers don’t really want to be totally free and responsible for themselves at this point in their lives. When a teenager is completely left on his own with no boundaries, he tends to feel isolated and at risk for giving into peer pressure. Although they may not admit it, many teenagers will use the excuse of a rule placed on them by their parents as a reason to say no to innappropriate behavior that they didn't want to do in the first place. On average, teenagers who have boundaries placed on them fare better than teenagers who are left to themselves.

5. Teenagers want to gain their parents' trust. Despite their occasional foolish actions, teenagers are not dumb. They realize that having a parent's trust is the pathway to even greater freedoms and eventually adulthood. When a teenager doesn't know what is expected of him, he often times behaves in a way that he believes is fine, but only to find out that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Yet, teenagers that regularly obey the boundaries set forth by their parents, see themselves as slowly gaining more and more of their parents' trust. This does not mean they will never break a rule or behave innappropriately, but, by setting boundaries, your teenager will have a greater understanding of how to build trust with you.

Return to "In the Know"